okaya as personal a story as finding out ones identity may be, i figured talking about my experience may help anyone here who may be questioning or may not
particularly understand how its a normal thing, that this isnt a new discovery and why we just be livin our leif for eel, bih.
it all starts in 2019 when i was 14 years old. up to this point my only real exposure to LGBTQ identities were a lot of right-wing memes and generally speaking,
i did not have the braincells to acknowledge that these were biased and completely unrealistic representations of non-heterosexual sexualities. soo... not a good start.
but its around april 2019 where i make my first discord account (my main one to this day) because someone on insta wanted me to play Among Us with him and his friends.
this seemingly insignificant act of making a discord account just signed me up to a whole world of self discovery... not that i knew that at the time.
i'd muck about in some music servers and make friends with other people around my age, communities i barely remember the names of anymore. but eventually, somehow.
in 2020 iirc, i had come across the server for Brony-community-based music label, A State Of Sugar.
and holy shit were these bitches gay. not just gay. but gay and trans.
not that i really knew? i never really paid attention until someone started spouting transphobic messages and mods told him they had gave him plenty warnings and that
they wouldnt tolerate anymore bigotry. this would SHOCK "cis" "het" internally-transphobic/homophobic Elira because like,, huh??? what do you mean trans ppl r valid???
this is about the time i would start pestering one of the admins and producers; Violin Melody. since i learned she was trans. now i think about it gosh darn i was annoying
but Vio seemed to enjoy answering my questions and it did a lot to dispel any stigma i had around many things. notably; sexualities, gender identities, furries and bronies.
while most kids my age may have figured they were gay through tv shows or twitter. i had only began to learn why i was being bigoted in my views. and having these views
knocked down suddenly gave pavement to asking myself "what if im gay?????" darn bronies making me figure out my sexuality smh.
i started to really think and realised i only wanted a girlfriend because i felt the pressure to have one, not that i wanted one. and.. they dont even look that attractive anyway.
what. did i just say that??? yes. i was not that into wo-
i then got a girlfriend.
apparently when you stop looking, God will just give you one for free. patience is a virtue lads.
not getting too into the details here because trauma, but my first few relationships with girls had me learn a lot. romantically i was good to go, but i was repulsed by..
well by their vaginas. i just learned the difference between romantic and sexual attraction.
now understanding there is a clear, very strong difference between "i love you" and "i looove you~", i was getting a little low in my capacity to feel romance and my sexuality
was beginning to skyrocket, being 16 after all. and boy was i sexual. i found a free vpn to get past parental controls and access sites i really shouldnt have at my age.
but considering that i live in england, being of age of consent here, i feel no regret in accessing The Hub™.
because this is when i would REALLY find what im into in terms of gender or body parts. i obviously do not recommend this to under 15s.
but i dont see the issue for 16 aboves using The Hub™ to figure out their sexuality. it is much more safer and respectable in my opinion, to dating someone Just To Try Something.
and dont you dare tell me that 16 year olds hooking up irl is better.
of course its vital to stay safe, and to understand that a lot of videos online do not showcase consent, and it is a major issue.
if anyone between 16 and 18 are reading this: please understand pornos are not realistic or even comparable to real world situations. and i hope i dont need to say this
but videos showcasing incest "step(sibling/parent)" or lack of consent (literally a lot of videos you'll find) are not good models of how people actually be people. cheers.
with that in mind though. i began figuring out i am really, really into this femboy identity. like... zamn.
at 16, i had learned i like feminine things on other people, and this included boys.
finally the point of this blog. weve done it. i am no longer straight. holy cow. well. thats poor wording isnt it?
i am Not finished with this blog. i want you to understand something. when we discover our identity as Not Straight, we are Not "no longer" straight.
we've never been straight in the first place.
its more nuanced than that, always has been. for me, i was pressured by this built up societal idea that males and females must boink
and that there is nothing beyond cisgendered heterosexual relationships. it is the fault of my parents, my friends, my schools and my surroundings that kept
this pressure as high as it got until april 2019. for reference it is now october 2023. i am 18 years old, i am as gay as it gets, i got the pronouns to boot.
anyways, stay safe and stay responsible. keep being curious and never let someone else tell you you cant be more than what they say. love yourself.